Journey into the Secret Garden

     While holidays open the door to additional stress, they can also present opportunities to find meaning through turning them into spiritual practice.  If we want to make the world a better place, where better to begin than at home?  By paying attention to the challenges presented during family gatherings, we can consciously let go of past hurts, sacrifice the need to be the center of attention and help mend relations with others.

For many families, the Thanksgiving holidays bring together people who may not always get along.  Grudges, anger, feelings of hurt and despair along with expectations and hopes may lurk beneath the surface of the celebrations and lead to discontent, distress and pain.  Here are a few tips on how to elevate your spirit and contribute to a peaceful Thanksgiving

1)      Forgive someone today.  Make a conscious effort to let go of the hurts related to someone you have to face during the holidays.  You may want to write about your feelings on a piece of paper.  Then tear it up and throw it away.  Get rid of the baggage of grudges and move into the Thanksgiving celebration feeling lighter and happier. 

2)      Identify a weakness you aim to overcome.   Do you always erupt at your brother or tell off your father?  Do your pick on a sibling?  Consider what you will do to consciously change your attitude and behavior.  Do you intend to be more helpful and supportive?  Do you plan to practice patience and kindness or simply speak less?  Remember change begins within you first.

3)      Pay attention to your speech.  By sticking to kind words and words that encourage and build confidence in others, you will change the atmosphere of a gathering and help to create more harmony.  

4)  Listen to an elder or pay attention to a child who may need you.  Your small acts of thoughtfulness can brighten their day.

5)      Say “I’m sorry.”  When hurtful words slip out or negative actions take over, apologize and really mean it.

Decide your spiritual intent prior to the dinners and parties and consider how you might actively do the things you’ve identified and then act.  At the beginning of the day before your gatherings, recall your decisions and recommit to them.  During the day, make conscious efforts to do what you planned and finally at the end of the day before going to bed, assess how youself. 

 If you did okay note your progress and know there’s more to do.  If you failed, then take note, but don’t beat yourself up.  Make the efforts to do better the next time and then do it.  You’ll have another opportunity to practice at Christmastime.  In this way, the holidays become more meaningful and profound and you can contribute to making the world a more peaceful place.  Peace on earth starts at home and every small step counts.  Happy Gratitude Day!

copyright Debra Moffitt-Leslie, Nov. 2009   www.debramoffitt.com

Here are a few of the tips garnered from experts at the recent Wellness and Writing Connections Conference in Atlanta on ways to use writing for wellbeing. 

1.  If you suffer from an illness or simply want to learn more about what’s going on at a physical level, have a dialogue with your body.  Ask it questions and let it answer.  It may be helpful to use the non-dominant hand (left if you’re right handed or vice versa) for the body’s responses.

2.  Use third person narrative form instead of first person.  Instead of “I felt…” try, “Debra felt…”

3.  Write a letter to someone you’re angry with and tell them off, advises Julie Davey who works with cancer patients using guided writing prompts.  Don’t send the letter, but use it to let off steam in a healthy way.  Telling someone off, even if you don’t send it, will help you to understand and set boundaries. 

4.  Write a thank you letter to someone you appreciate.  Often we don’t take time to thank the people who are there when we need them.  Send this letter if you feel inspired to, or better yet, read it out loud to the receiver.

5.  Use metaphor to understand.  Make a list of physical symptoms--not a diagnosis--but the physical experience of the problem. After making the list ask yourself, “What in my life is giving me a...  Fill in the blank.  “What is giving me a headache?”  “What is giving me a pain in the neck?”  Sometimes a metaphorical “pain in the neck” can point to how one reacts to a situation or people.

6.  When you’re in a bad place mentally and emotionally, make efforts to move into a better one through writing.  Sometimes repeating a simple word like “love” or “thank you” over and over in your journal can produce profound effects.

 Copyright Debra Moffitt-Leslie, October 2009, www.debramoffitt.com

For those of you who write because it makes you feel better, Brenda Stockdale, Author of You Can Beat the Odds,  helps to understand how. “The choices we make and the interpretation we assign events can influence physiological outcomes,”  Director of Mind-Body Medicine for the Georgia Cancer Treatment Center, Stockdale says, “Two specific traits, purpose and passion, cause the white blood cells to act differently.”  They strengthen the immune system.  Her work gives scientific credibility to what writers already know intuitively about the practice of writing – writing, especially during difficult times, can help us heal. 

She cites a Center for Disease Control study of 440,000 patients suffering from obesity.  The study, which began in the 1970’s, found a link between stress in early childhood, like sex abuse or violence, with disease as an adult.  In a follow up study of these patients, researchers noted a 35% decline in doctor’s office visits in the year following the disclosure of the trauma.  Suppressing emotions can cause harm to the body, Stockdale says.  “Labeling emotions helps the physiology relax.  You don’t need to fix it.  Just acknowledge it.  Link feelings to events,” she advises.  “But be warned about only writing about happy or terrible stuff.”  She suggests we follow Anne Sexton’s advice and, “Put your ear close to your soul and listen hard.” By embracing the full range of emotions and finding balance in writing about them, we’re moving in the right direction to keep the body, mind and spirit in a healthy equilibrium. 

Stockdale experienced the power of words first hand when she lost two-thirds of her blood in what she describes as a “freak medical accident.”  During that time she felt too weak to write, but reveled in hearing poetry read to her.  Her father read, Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” as she lay in a hospital bed unsure about whether she would survive or not..  The phrase, “If you can treat triumph and disaster – these two imposters just the same…” gave her courage and inspiration and she feels it contributed to her recovery.  Stockdale who also facilitates national retreats for people with life-challenging illnesses, notes a tight connection between self-worth and survival.  “The greatest drug we have is the will to live.”   For more on Brenda Stockdale see her website at: brendastockdale.com

Copyright Debra Moffitt-Leslie, October 2009, www.debramoffitt.com

A few years ago, in the middle of an interview with bestselling author, Sarah Susanka, an alarm beeped.  She’d just come out with her book, The Not So Big Life: Making Room for What Really Matters which focuses on time and self-transformation.  She pulled the alarm off of her belt and reset it.  “This is my fifteen minute exercise,” she said.  The alarm exercise helps to cultivate awareness and draw the mind to pay attention to the present moment, she explained.  It acts in the same way that meditation functions, but the buzz or vibration reminds the practitioner to stop and pay attention to how she feels, what’s going on around, what’s happening inside on deeper levels.

Meditation is one of the best ways I’ve found to develop awareness.  My experience with meditation began with training at Lerab Ling in the chilly air of the mountains in the South of France under the gente instruction of Tibetan Lama, Sogyal Rinpoche.  We sat under a large white tent as the Mistral wind whipped around and Rinpoche reminded us to bring the mind home.  This meant to be right here in this damp, cool place and not let my mind wander off to craving for chocolate croissants and espresso.  Someone struck a bell and the meditation period started.  I squirmed and so did many of the hundred or more people until the bell rang out again.  It took many years of practice before I realized that bringing the mind home simply meant being here, now.  Easy to say, not easy to do.

 At first meditation seems more like a struggle than a pleasure.  But a wise teacher suggested I treat the mind like a little child and gently prompt it back to the candle flame I aimed to focus on.  After some time and a good bit of patience, the mental chatter lessened and the sense of expansion grew.  The real challenge is how to maintain this expansive, openness throughout the day.  I've heard teachers say that real meditation begins when we become fully conscious of each and every moment – that is when we pay full attention to each luscious fork full of food and we fully concentrated on the muscles, aware if the surroundings when we walk or exercise.  This kind of meditation in action is the desirable state of joyful being where peace spontaneously arises.  Bringing conscious awareness into conversations, looking into the other person’s eyes, and thinking before speaking help to integrate awareness into each instant.  Perhaps being conscious of what we say and do might transform both of these and create a better environment and a better world. 

Back at Susanka’s the beep buzzed again.  We both paused and enjoyed being silent for just a moment.  In the rush of daily life it was a pleasant gift.  As Susanka continued to experiment with the alarm and awareness, she developed new ways to use it.  “You start to notice that you get conditioned and you can literally turn this thing off without being aware you’re doing it,” she said.  The automatic gestures, the repetitions that we tune out are a way of tuning out to life itself and not being awake. "You can start to be aware of how frequently you have not noticed and turned it off automatically,” she said.  But the real aim is to be conscious now.  “Now it’s like the day is perforated with moments of real presence.  It’s amazing how much more you really start to show up.  That’s the real key to this exercise,” she said.  Susanka’s exercise takes me back to the tent in France and rings a bell as a constant reminder to wake up and deeply appreciate the only time we have – the present.   

What is the practice that most helps you to stay in the present?

Copyright: Debra Moffitt-Leslie, Oct. 2009  www.debramoffitt.com

Last year I discovered the Wellness and Writing Connections Conference in Atlanta, Georgia.  Though I've been writing most of my life to de-stress and save my soul, I had no idea that someone had built a conference and professions around it.  Dr. John Evans founded the conference and has invited notable speakers in the writing and wellness profession to address how writing can help us heal and overcome isolation and despair.   The Conference takes place this year on Saturday, Oct. 24th.  When I asked Dr. Evans why he'd started this, he said, "Writing notebooks and journals keeps me sane." 

Dr. Evans felt moved to start the conference after experiencing the benefits of writing first hand when he was diagnosed with advanced cancer, but also during depression and a difficult divorce.  "Writing has been my talisman.  It provides perspective for my past and present and writing helps me affirm the future," he says.  The conference funded largely by Dr. Evans' welcomed Dr. James Pennebaker renowned for his work in journaling and health benefits.  Last year's keynote speaker included the Pulitizer Prize winning author of Wit, a story about a cancer patient.  "Written words have the power to change our lives," Dr. Evans says.  "These beliefs were reinforced in research for my dissertation and in the late 1990's when I taught Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way and Louise De Salvo's Writing as a Way of Healing.   He founded the conference because he feels that writers and healthcare professionals have much to share about wellness and writing connections.  "Many people still don't realize that relief and guidance can be as close at hand as pen and paper," he says.  This year's conference will be held at Georgia Tech Global Learning Center with a broad array of workshops and presentations.  I'll be giving another workshop there this year, another journey into the healing secret garden - and I'll also enjoy the good atmosphere of the other presenters and their innovative work as well.  For more information go to:  www.wellnessandwritingconnections.com

Copyright: Debra Moffitt-Leslie, Oct. 2009 - www.debramoffitt.com